This question has been the conversation in the minds of a lot of single people out there – whether young or old alike. And it indeed is a valid question as I and a lot of other leaders and pastors have been asked the same one in different variations over and over again.
This entry has been inspired by a conversation between me and my mentor and friend pastor Joby Soriano while we were going home after he spoke in B1G Night. It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged about relationships.
“What’s the sign that I can enter a relationship?”
“How can I tell if I’m ready?”
“Am I going to pursue her?”
“Is it time for me to entertain suitors?”
Has this question or something quite like it ever crossed your mind? I know it crossed mine. At some point in time we find ourselves longing for a mutual relationship with the opposite sex. It is natural. It is God-designed. It is how we are supposed to be. But it ain’t so wise to just indulge yourself in a relationship without counting the costs.
When you build a house, count the cost.
“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? – Luke 14:28
So as when you want build a home (which, by the way, should be your goal when entering a relationship), you better have the cost all figured out.
First thing I tell people who ask me about this question is: Are you financially stable?
Why is this my first question? Simple. Because the vast majority who ask me this question already gets ruled out when it comes to finances. Are you able to support yourself? Howbout a partner? Howbout a family? As my current discipler, Aumar Aguilar tells our group: “Don’t save up for the wedding, save up for marriage.”
If your answer is no then I’d probably tell you straight to your face that you’re not ready yet.
Know your capabilities when it comes to finances. Money is always a factor when it comes to building a family. Don’t ever think otherwise.
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6:33
Second thing I ask is: How is your spiritual walk with God? How is your quiet time?
I ask this question because obviously, it is of utmost importance that you know your ultimate goal in life – which is to please and glorify God. Involving yourself in a relationship without knowing and having that goal in your heart will make you lose focus and will definitely not help out in your pursuit of God. If you cannot love an infinite God, how much more can you love a man or a woman who is finite and who will someday, somehow disappoint you?
If your focus is right, and your heart is in pursuit of God, then He will be the one to let things fall into place with you and your future partner in life. You just have to know Him first and be able to trust Him completely that He knows what is best for you, who is best for you and what time is going to be best for you in all aspects of your life.
When it all boils down to a choice
“Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment” – Proverbs 4:7
Third thing I ask: Are you pursuing wisdom? Do you think you can make wise choices?
Wisdom and humility is always something to pursue. It is more precious than anything this world can offer. It is something that should be held in high regard. It is my favorite gift from God that He has given to man. It is vitally important for me to ask this question because wisdom will be essential in guiding you through a relationship and consequently, through marriage.
There will be times when life offers you extremely difficult choices. And when push comes to shove and life shakes you, you have to make wise decisions. If you can’t seem to make them now, then how much more can you make them when you’re into a relationship? The consequences will double –and when you make the wrong one, you’ll bring a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering not only to yourself but to your partner and to your family.
Get wisdom. Read books, look for mentors, walk with God and ask Him for His wisdom.
Feelings come and go
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9
Fourth thing I ask: How is your emotional stability?
Emotions will sway you here and there. It is deceitful. If you aren’t careful, you will be swayed and get sidetracked off your walk with God. Especially so when troubles come your way to shake your relationship. If your thoughts and wisdom are not in control of your emotions, your emotions will be the one to dictate your thoughts – and that becomes extremely dangerous, both for you and your partner.
Emotions are a very powerful thing. It can make you laugh, cry, it can make you buy things, it can kill you through worry, it can do a lot of things to your body and thoughts. Therefore emotions directly affects your decisions. And as I’ve mentioned earlier, decision making is explicitly crucial in handling relationships.
Feelings come and go. And if you’re not wise to differentiate, suppress, delay or let out your emotions then it’s going to greatly affect your relationship in a way that’s also consequently going to be emotional for your partner. Know how to be wise over your emotions.
Live to love
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” – 1 Corinthians 6:19
Last thing I ask: Are you mindful of your physical health?
I always tell people,”if you really love your family, you will take care of your health to live long for them because they love you.” Being physically healthy goes a long way. It is just as important in a relationship as wisdom is. Loving someone is wanting the best for that person therefore if you are giving yourself to that person you MUST be in your best physical condition and you have to take care of that.
In order to take care of your future spouse and family, you have to be healthy. Otherwise it is your family who will take care of you. Do not neglect the physical aspect of your life. Your body is regarded very highly being declared to as the temple of the Holy Spirit. No, not a garden of the Holy Spirit, not a home of the Holy Spirit, but a TEMPLE. So regard it as such when it comes to your future spouse and family.
Keep these in mind
All these things have to be developed now. Don’t start when you “fall in love”. Start loving your future partner in life and family NOW.