If you know me, you know that I spend around 8-12 hours a day in front of my laptop during workdays. I browse Facebook and Twitter trying to check my social media accounts if there’s anything new. I go online and chat some friends and loved ones, I read blogs, blogs and more blogs about God, other Christian leaders and SEO and social media marketing. And lastly, I check my e-mails.
Sometimes there's just no black and white answer
I was surprised that I got an e-mail from a reader of this blog (we’ll be hiding his name for anonymity). And so I read on. His e-mail is as follows:
Hi Sean,
I liked this girl (we’ll call her K) about a year and a half ago. However, at the time I felt like God was pulling me aside and saying “Not yet. Don’t pursue it yet.” It was hard because she had a special place in my life and was actually one of the key people in my life who helped me grow spiritually and toward God. I prayed and prayed about it and before I knew it, I met and was in a relationship with another girl (we’ll call her H) within the next week. This was so unusual for me as I usually only date girls I’ve known for at least a month. It was almost as if God put H in my life to divert me from being with K – at least for the time being.
Well since then, H and I have grown apart, and since the beginning of May, God has been directing me away from H and more toward K. It boggled me at first since I hadn’t really thought of K in that way since I started dating H. K and I have remained very close friends for the past couple years, but I never would have thought of leaving H for her. I felt like God was telling me “It’s time now.” So about 2 weeks ago, H and I split ways. It turns out she had reservations about our relationship as well, so things went relatively amicably.
I took those two weeks to pray and ultimately found myself writing a letter to K, telling her how I felt about her. I told her about how I had liked her back then, my perspective on what happened, and how I realized after all of this that I never really stopped liking her. Much to my pleasant surprise, it turns out she has felt the same way for this whole time. In fact, she felt at the same time I did that it wasn’t the right time to act on it yet and she had even cried when she found out I started dating H. We are going to wait until we are settled (she’s starting a job teaching and I’m moving an hour away to attend graduate school) to start dating and take it where God leads us.
I want to wait because I think it will be good for us to both reflect before we start a relationship, but it is hard. I feel like I’m on a stepping stone and the next one is slowly moving toward me – it’s just not completely in stepping distance yet. It’s in jumping distance, but if I jumped, I would risk too much.
Yes, I do check my e-mails everyday during workdays
Of course I got pretty excited to hear from a reader of this blog. I’m also honored to be the one he chose to seek wisdom from. So I prayed. I made up what God has put in my heart to tell him and replied to him within the day. My reply to him is as follows:
I am honored to have received your e-mail and to be asked for counsel regarding this matter that is very personal to you and close to your heart. I can only tell you so much but I hope and pray that it is God who will speak to you through me.
Relationship issues, for me, is a big gray area in this life God gave us. I think it is because there is simply no black and white blueprint for us to follow regarding this matter – because it directly affects our hearts. It is something God values so much as to leave us with nothing about it so that He can see how far we can go with our faith in Him regarding this matter in our lives.
Going into a relationship with the opposite sex, as you well know, is a commitment – and if God wills it, it’s a commitment to last a lifetime. First, you have to look at yourself now. Are you ready for that lifelong relationship? For that lifelong commitment? Are you capable of loving unconditionally? Always wanting what is best for that other person? Yes, we cannot achieve perfection in this lifetime but we keep on trying. And if you are able to love others as you love yourself and love the Lord your God, who is perfect and good, with all your heart, soul, mind and strength in all the aspects of your life then you can say that you’re ready to love a finite person who will someday, somehow disappoint you and will need unconditional love from her husband-to-be.
Everything will fall into place if it’s the right time. God will not add trouble to His blessings. Pray about it – and when you clearly hear His voice about this matter and you clearly see His hand moving in both your lives then follow God’s calling to you both. But if you have any doubt at all, continue to seek Him – you have to be desperate for His answer. God is not someone who withholds His will from you if you abide in Him. If you feel pressured, then don’t make a move. If you don’t hear Him then don’t make a move. Keep on walking with God. All He wants is what’s best for you. When it’s time, it’s time. Don’t rush – sometimes emotions can betray you. Remember that “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 18:9
Ask your pastors, ask your fellow Christians – the one in your discipleship group, ask your parents, ask people who are mature in their walk with God about advice on how to act during uncertain, heartfelt times in the beginning of a relationship. What is lacking? What needs to be done? What is already there? Ask for wisdom – always thirst for discernment and understanding. It is good that you want God’s wisdom in this matter.I advice you to seek further advice from people who both knows God and who genuinely care for you.
Thank you so much (Anonymous)!
With your permission, I would like to make this a blog entry in my site – of course I would make your name anonymous if you so desire. Tell me if you are willing to share this aspect of your life to the world 🙂
Thank you!
– Sean Si
He replied again, by the way. This is what he said:
I am honored that you would like to use this as a blog entry. Please feel free to use it as you wish.
I’m soooooo blessed by this exchange of e-mail. I’m so glad to be used by God. Indeed there is no greater joy than for me to fulfill my life’s mission – one person at a time.