I’m not about to burst your bubble. I’m not about to say that you won’t get married. I’m not about to declare your life to be one of divine single-hood (singleness?). But here’s one thing I want to tell you: There’s a myth that’s circulating around Single Christians today. And it’s termed as “God’s Best”.
Webmaster’s Note: This post was taken from one of my raw, personal posts: “The Inaccuracy of the Term ‘Finding the One’“.
Let’s be clear about it: God wants what is best for us. That’s true. It includes good things and things that we don’t necessarily deem as ‘good’ during the time – such as discipline, consequences of our actions, pruning, or a calling for a higher cause. In any case, we know that there is such a thing as predestination and free will – and they coexist.
It’s such a mind-blowing concept.
How can predestination coexist with free will? Aren’t they mutually exclusive? Because otherwise, it will be illogical.
Yes. You’re right.
And no, you’re wrong.
You’re right in the sense that humanly speaking, it’s true. It’s illogical to have free will and predestination at the same time.
You’re wrong in the sense that it doesn’t have to be logically sound for it to be true. There are things higher than what we can see, hear, think, smell, do or touch. Things higher than the fullest extent of our knowledge.
And if you think that’s unfair. Well… Deal with it.
“Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” – Psalm 139:6
The Myth that’s Grown too Big
There are books that romanticized the idea of your future partner in life. They coined it your ‘the one’ or your ‘God’s best’, and other such terms. It’s something that is rooted in the concept of predestination. That God has ordained someone to be born to be your partner in life someday.
While I do not want to disagree with this concept, it is well nigh damaging to think that there is that one person who is to be your partner. Your ‘Mr or Ms Right’. Well what if you went ahead and fell in love with a Mr or Ms Wrong? What then?
Will your Mr Right go ahead and fall in love with his version of Ms Wrong too?
It begins to give us the idea that one wrong romance can send the ‘God’s best’ system into a tailspin. And that’s where it gets dangerous.
One Wrong Romance
When you’re married and you tell yourself that you married Mr Wrong and you deserve your Mr Right, it’s a fallacy. As far as God is concerned, YOU ARE MARRIED TO YOUR MR RIGHT.
You’ve exchanged vows, you’ve spent memories together, you’ve committed your life to each other.
Does it mean that whoever you come across to marry automatically becomes your God’s best?
I’m not really concerned about that.
What I’m concerned about is that you learn to choose very carefully who you spend the rest of your life with.
But what I’m more concerned about is, are you the ideal person with whom your future partner in life would spend his / her own life with?
The Lazy Romantic
Men today who are cooped up with the myth of God’s best tend to relax. Tend to stay at home. Tend to go with the flow of life. There’s no need for time to invest in the gym, no need for time to invest in reading books to grow intellectually, no need for time to go out and socialize.
She’ll just come. And she’ll be beautiful. And I’ll love her. And we’ll get married and so on and so forth…
See where the idea of “God’s best” leads?
Predestination exists. It is accepted. But you are blocking off free will from this picture.
What if Ms Right thinks you’re a couch potato? What if she thinks that you’re not funny? What if she thinks you’re not her type? She has free will you know. And she doesn’t think you’re her “God’s best”.
What then?
Go out. Read books. Go to the gym. Serve in ministry. Do what every guy looking for real romance would do. Develop yourself to be the ideal man. Someone who Ms Right would joyfully and proudly call as her Mr Right.
Don’t be a lazy romantic.
Don’t get me wrong. Your God’s best exists. But you’ll have to do your best to get God’s best for you.
I really enjoyed reading this blog post. So many people do just sit around and wait for God’s best, instead of doing God’s best like you’ve stated. It reminds me of Andy Stanley’s series: The new Rules to Love, Sex and Dating. There’s this phrase that he uses: “Are you the person that the person you are looking for, is looking for”.
It’s so awesome that I found this article while searching for something about SEO.
Keep shining God’s Light 🙂
Bianca,
How’s your search for SEO going? Andy Stanley’s series is a must-read for Christiansingles today. I’m glad you enjoyed reading this post!
God bless you!
*nods*
Do not be a lazy romantic!!! I agree with this fully! Great read. Shared it on Facebook. 🙂
Iya,
Thanks for sharing!
This is a wonderful post!
I once encountered a typical post online that says: “be the person you want to meet”.
It’s like, be the best person so you will meet the best person. Do I get it right? Hehehe.
Well anyway, thank you for this wonderful post. (Such a fan of this website, I keep on checking regularly if there’s new entry. :p) I probably had a bad relationship which i think was God’s NOT best for me. But He wants me to learn something. God wants me to develop myself, be mature enough, and have a strong relationship with Him. That is, God wants me to be “Best” to be able to meet the “Best” man He prepared.
I feel blessed on this post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Keep the fire burning! 🙂
Hi Keith,
That’s a great way to put it: Be the person you want to meet. 🙂
We try to post once every week but if you want to be notified via email if there’s anything new, you could subscribe to our email feeds on the right sidebar.
I’m honored to have you here as a reader. God bless you!
Hi sean, this is really great. Keep posting. 🙂 How will you know if that person is really true to you?? heheheh.
What if you’re a battered wife or husband?
Peter,
That’s similar to asking “what if you’re born in somalia?” – you made a decision and a commitment. The Bible talks about ministering to your spouse even if your spouse is an unbeliever. In any case, there are laws in our world today that also states what you need to do if you are in such a situation.
Sean, this is a great post. I am really learning so much from all your postings. Keep it up. I am 42 years old and i want to get married as well, but, i believe i have been a lazy romantic, not doing what i supposed to do.. For one, i am not going out socializing, to meet new people or potential partner in life. Well, i have to make a drastic lifestyle change and go out to socialize more.
Michael,
That’s an awesome decision man. I believe that there are lots of men today who have taken to the couch or to the pleasures of living a single life – it’s more rewarding than ever to do so with the rise of consumerism and relativism in our society. Take the narrow road. Get married and live out a life for Christ.
Hi Sean! Great post! Keep it up! Here’s my situation.
I’m going out. I read books. I go to the gym. I’m a believer. A man that my future wife would want her Mr Right to be. I’m praying and still waiting for my God’s best for me. Am I doing/believing into something that makes me a lazy romantic?
Could you please pray for me too. Thanks Sean!
Joey,
That’s awesome! I pray that your life goal is to be a man after God’s own heart. And you’ll delight yourself in Him.
She’ll come. At the perfect time. Believe me.
Waiting just makes it sweeter.
You’ve got a point. IMHO most of these things also apply in terms of our decisions in terms of career and money. Just because you’re a Christian it doesn’t excuse you from growing, learning, working hard and having ambition. 🙂 Unfortunately I just had to learn that the hard way…