There are just times when you need to give up a relationship you’re holding on so dearly to. Some people tell me that it’s God who is asking them to surrender it. My response is “If it is God, don’t think about it.” Here’s why:
This entry has been inspired by a really good friend of mine who is going through a tough time in life with God. We talked over the phone and I remembered when it all happened to me. I guess this is one of the reasons why God had me go through a tough season in my life.
Real surrender means you’re dropping it – 100%
When you say that you ‘surrender’ it means you don’t hold on to anything – nada, zip, zero. It is completely letting go, leaving none for yourself. None. Not even a thought of it.
And yes it’s hard, perhaps impossible. Impossible without God’s help. It takes faith to be able to really surrender – just like how Abraham was able to surrender Isaac. He was able to give God 100% of his one and only son whom he utterly and deeply loved and held on to. His only true heir. And God blessed him for it.
Even though Isaac didn’t die and even if he was not sacrificed – he was already as good as dead to Abraham. He was already completely surrendered to God. He was given up. Abraham did not think about it anymore.
It takes faith
Surrendering is not easy. Letting go would always be difficult. It takes faith to give something up to God completely. Abraham trusted God completely that’s why he was able to surrender completely.
There are times in our lives when we don’t trust God enough with a certain relationship we’re holding on so tightly to. We think God can never bring it back again. And we think that God isn’t able to write our love story as much as we are able to.
It is during these times when we want to be in control the most – especially when we fall into the trap of loving someone too much. It is also during these times when we find it most hard to surrender everything to God.
Questions we don’t need
When God asks us to surrender something to Him, suddenly we ask questions.
“Why did I have to go through that, Lord?”
“Why did You let me meet him/her in the first place?”
“What is happening? Isn’t him/her the one?”
Our minds are filled with questions. It’s natural – we are reasonable beings. We are moved to look for answers because of the questions that suddenly enter our hearts.
These questions are natural – but they are also dangerous. They are a gateway to vain thoughts and assumptions. Real surrender means letting go of everything – yes, even these questions.
You don’t need these questions. You need to trust God. When you’ve already given up everything, the proof that you have totally done so is peace. You have to have peace when you’ve got nothing to lose – not even answers to your questions.
God can write your love story
God is the author, designer and maker of our lives. He is the author of love and romance. He created everything. I totally believe that the best love story you can ever have has to be written by God. I know mine was – the proof of a God-written love story is the impossibility of it apart from Him.
A God-written love story must glorify Him and will reflect His mighty hand. It must bless other people in the sense that they realize it has to be God.
I truly, honestly believe that in order to let God write your love story, you must surrender everything to Him first.
And don’t think about it.
Sean! I really love this blog post. :> thanks for this haha.
Hey Josh 🙂
Glad you do! Praise God for the wisdom
Letting go completely is extremely difficult and not trying go figure it or or think or ask questions is truly difficult. It is only by hitting the wall and exhausting myself that I come to a place to become willing some times. Its been awhile since I guess I’ve allowed God to run my life even though I pray daily….I was still being self sufficient.
One of the problems today I struggle with is am I just defeated and giving up and aimlessly allowing life pass me by or surrendering to God and letting go so different?
Hi Sean, praise God for this. Going through a time of surrender right now and this came at the perfect time. Praise God for you, dear brother. Continue to write for Him and encourage and speak to others by His words through you 🙂
Sean,
Thank you so much for this post. Reading through this stuff makes me remember what I really need to know.
But there’s one thing: I don’t really get the idea about the “don’t think about it” part. What exactly do you mean? The rest of the post doesn’t seem to explain that idea.
James
Hey James,
Praise God for His wisdom 🙂
By the ‘don’t think about it’ – i meant it to be literal. Do not think about it. Take captive every thought and shrug it off. It takes conscious effort and discipline.
Amazing post, it actually gave me more clarity in my life after going through a 6 year relationship break-up. Thanks
Praise God for the laser-like wisdom He has given you. Now for the strength to actually follow what He asks of us. =)
PRaise God!!!…Thanks a lot Sean…I just love your blog……evrything is just to the point!
Thanks Jasmine 🙂
I give all credit to our God who gave me this responsibility and gift. Would love to hear from you more!
Sean,
I am in the beginning stages of letting go of my boyfriend of over 8 years. He is going through a real tough time right now and is making a lot of “not God” choices and we just can’t be together right now, if ever. We didn’t get rid of any possibility of ever being together again, but we just know that we have to both be single right now. After he picks up the rest of his things on Wednesday, I don’t know when they next time I will see or talk to him, that will be up to him. He asked for a break, and that is what I am giving him. I need to surrender him 100% to God, because only God can save him. I know that he loves for me and cares for me, but he just needs to figure out what he wants. We both agreed that no matter what happens with our dating relationship, we want to be friends. It is the scariest thing I am ever going to do. I know that God has a plan for us and I know he is going to do great things with the both of us. He needs to miss me, and I hope that he can. I want to be with him, but not if he is going to keep up with the destructive behaviors. I love him and I always will, not matter what happens. Thank you for writing this, I know that I have to and this really helped me see how. Please pray for us, pray that he gets help, figures out what he wants, and no matter what that we can be friends.
Praying for you Niki. You’re going through a very tough time in your life right now. May you always hold on to God. Put God first and everything will just fall into place.
Niki: I’m going through a similar situation as well. We have been together for 17 years and my partner is making poor choices. He is a born again Christian. I’m trying to trust God but have fear since I’m not sure what the outcome will be. We have had a great relationship until recently when he started hanging out with the wrong group and has been negatively influenced. I hope God will restore and make our relationship stronger than ever. It is in His hands. I will pray for you and your boyfriend. Thanks for sharing. It reminds me I’m not alone….
My girlfriend and I have been together for sometime now, we both believe we are meant for eachother and stuff, but we’ve had long distance relationship for 8 months now, so obviously things for harder, frustrations and all also we constantly argue and that always made her cry herself to bed, and I feel so be about that, I never meant to I was only concerned about her and the long distance, well now she’s said she needs time off to weigh stuff and I’ve been devastated for a week now, so I’m confused but also she’s got very important exams coming up soon so I this just a test or what? Please help and pray for us Kay and Ally I’ll much appreciate.
Same here. The relationship on and off with my ex was 5 years. We’ve known each other 6 now. There were times I knew I should have left. The relationship was just tumultuous. I have 2 children who at the time was 10 and 4. I was out of my character just about the whole relationship.. Yelling, screaming, fighting, over him and with him. I stayed up until last year when I said, ” I cant do this anymore”. Everytime I would break up with him, I would began trying to reason with myself that its me, its my fault that he acts that way, its my insecurity that makes things bad, maybe I should give him another chance. I wrestled and wrestled. Today he’s still begging to come back. Its like the relationship did not grow at all but I did. I ve definitely taken some invaluable key points with me. I don’t know why I meant this guy in the first place. That’s when I started questioning rather or not God sent him to me or not. Could it be that God is/was trying to show me some bad habits I needed to break or karma. Like I said today he’s wanting to be a couple again, even telling me he wants to marry me and have a kid and so forth. Before his reasons were finances, but he’s still no better off than he was 5 years ago. I just have this knowing that its a set up. I feel as if he’s trying to take me off the path that God has for me to go. Its never been this tough to let go. So I totally understand your story. I hope everything is better on your end.
Hi, I met a believer guy last year. We spoke for a month. After a month he said he was not at peace with the relationship. We are in touch intermittently. He goes for preaching and requests me to pray for him. I feel I am stuck still with him. He is godly and a prayerful person.
I feel I haven’t fully surrendered to the LORD in this matter.
Hi Sean, it’s Ishanie. Thank you for your article. I am currently going through exactly that. I have been asked to surrender this relationship for over 6 years to God, but especially these last 6 months and counting of our “courting” with the one person that I guess I have grown to love too much. It has been a real struggle all the way. I’m almost exhausted. Because one minute I let go to God and the next I pick it right back up again. And questions galore and consequential headaches… it’s been really taxing all around, it nearly broke us apart. If you have any more wisdom on surrendering a relationship please refer me to some of your other articles. Your prayers will be much appreciated at this time. God bless!
Hi Sean,
i really do thank you for this blog. I am currently going through a break up. he is my first, who i ve been waiting for 21 years. (yea coz i m a very shy girl) he was exactly the type of guy i dreamed of falling in love with,however, he is a non believer. the relationship didnt last very long, only around 3-4 months, but to me, to surrender this relationship really need a lot of courage, i always prayed for the relationship, that i was willing to break up when the time was right. But when it came down to making a decision, it still hurt a lot inside. But through this relationship, i ve learnt to put God as a first priority, not a boyfriend, and to find sufficiency in God before even entering a relationship. Yea I was praying for God’s guidance and saw your blog, this is such a blessing. Hope you and your spouse are blessed in Christ and thanks again for your good work!
Hi Megan,
I’m blessed to hear you say that you are seeking God’s guidance in the turmoil of heartbreak. It’s not an easy thing to do – but it is what’s right. I hope and pray that God will comfort you and show you His great plans and purposes for you as you go through this event in your life. God bless you.
Thank you for this article. I am in my 30’s and never really had a real boyfriend. Met an amazing guy at my churh and we’ve had two amazing years together. He recently felt he still had feelings for an ex girlfriend, who isn’t exactly living for God. My heart is shattered to say in the least, we had talked about marriage and I know he loved me so much. My mind drifted to the story of Abraham and when he was called to sacrifice Isaac. While my story doesn’t make sense on the surface, I know I must be willing to give up even the most precious person in my life. I hate being out of control of the situation. It seems like being in my 30’s it should finally be my time to have a great rommance. I can’t help but to hope in the end this will just be a matter of surrender and we will be reunited for the rest of our lives. Surrenering someone we love so much is so hard, especially, like Abraham, when we’ve waited so long for something so precious.
inspirational blog <3
This was PERFECT for me. I am trying so hard to surrender my marriage to God. He has put a promise in my heart that the marriage will be restored, but first I have to surrender all to God. I loved my husband more than God and He has shown me that He is a jealous God. It is so hard to let go! I say I trust God but then I worry about this or that. I keep trying but then end up taking it all back again. I will keep this post and read it over and over. Thanks for your gift. God bless!
Wow!! This blog was absolutely for me!!This is what I needed!!I am in the complete, real situation of giving up to someone i love so much because he’s not christian.I know God is in control and as you said I must give up 100%…
Sean,
Hey! This is my story.. I have been into a relationsship for 9 years. But God wanted me to let go of her. It’s true. It’s not easy. Never will be. But I have to make a decision. And I choose to love Him first. I know He has a perfect plan for me. Im holding onto that. Keeping my faith forever.
Thanks bro. You are a blessing.
Praise God. Your story is mine too. Thank you for the encouragement. Let’s keep pushing brother.
i like this
Hi Sean,
I just woke up all of a sudden and I started thinking about all the wrong things I made in this relationship with an non believer. he currently broke up with me..I had to move out of his house. That was so hard and even harder because we have a daughter together. This is the person god wanted me to give up a long time ago but, I didn’t want to because I love him so much. now since this break up , I finally gave my all to god. thats what happens when we put a guy before god which we should never do because god knows best! But, we make the mistake of choosing them because the fear of letting go and the thought of never being with them ever again. I see god had to push him away from me in order for me to see that with out god, nothing will go well. It had to take me 4 years to finally let go of him. that’s terrible but, god is a forgiving god and now I am so glad god showed me that. thank you for this article, I needed that!! I’m currently going through a broken heart and I see everything I did wrong just to be with someone. I made a lot of mistakes being with that person. because god made dating to lead to marriage not for us to misuse it. I would appreciate it if you kept me in your prayers. I need gods guidance and direction on where he wants my life to be .
Thanks Sean and God bless you. Your post has been very inspiring to me. I turned my life over a year ago and live for Christ. I have shown my ex fiancee in every way of my life of how much i have changed for close to a year. I was so focus on showing her how much I changed instead of giving God the glory for changing me. I have held on for months and we spoke at times She has not come around to giving us a chance with God as our guide. She has lost some of her spirituality. She just stop talking to me with no reason. Letting go and surrendering it all to God. Thank you and God bless.
PRAISE God I have read most of every statement written. I am fifty-nine years old engaged to my best friend who is sixty- two years old. He is going through a crisis with his health, finances and drugs. I love him very much but he has too many female’s in his life. We love praising God and we share so much as we were friends for over twenty years before any intimacy. He asked me to marry him in 2011 and I said yes. He became disabled and approved for his disability so we put the wedding off for a while. We moved in together last year and were getting married around Christmas but I found out about the drug usage and his health crisis. It seem he shut me out and then strange women would call but he went outside to talk. In October he told me he was moving out and it would be best if I got my own place. Broke my heart after two months we are talking more and he say we are still getting married just do not know when. I love him and praying it will work out. I read my Bible constantly and in the book of Luke 18:1-8 that man should pray and not faint. God looks for those who pray consistently that he will give us the desires of our heart. I have faith and truly be live his word never fails. I have thought about giving up only to realize we look out for each other well being and enjoy each others company. I just can not believe him being the age he is and him smoking herb I know he is in constant pain but this is not necessary. PRAY for us please.
Haha. Thank you for this. I totally agree about everything that you’ve said. Letting go is truly hard (experiencing the consequences of it right now, haha). Yes the questions will try to hunt you but the peace that comes from God is worth it. Thank you 🙂
I pray so hard to God on regards to my marriage. My soon to be ex husband asked me for the divorce after I called the police on him. After he his numerous acts of domestic violance. His mother and family never accepted me because I am catholic. Although, they made it seem like they did when there was an audience. I have prayed and forgave so much since we were bf and gf. From cheating abuse you name it. We have a 1 year old and have just left everything in the hands of the Lord. I just want to be strong for my daughter and also myself.
Thanks a lot for writing this. I needed to hear it, going through a difficult relationship now and it’s so confusing and I am killing myself analyzing and thinking about every detail. I just hope if I do let go and surrender to God that I don’t then become so passive and the relationship ends. But hope that God ultimately is in charge and will bless it if He wants it to happen, it will, and I need to surrender all the analyzing, questions, endless thinking. I have little peace and this article gave me peace. Thanks again.
Truly, your writing is like a direct vessel of God’s wisdom, soaked in the relatability and Truth of Jesus. Seriously, SERIOUSLY thank you for sharing your writing talent & insight inspired by God with us readers!…I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear the span of your words. I am in awe at how God uses His people – so brilliantly! Be blessed, brother… thanks again for being obedient, bold & embracing of His call on your life. It’s a BIG one. Keep shining & be encouraged…you surely have encouraged me! (My husband is out there somewhere…which reminds me that God is the only thing/person/entity that can fill me up 100% in utter LOVE. And He is with me always).
Thanks again!!! 🙂
Hi Kristin,
Thanks for dropping by. All glory to God who gives wisdom and humbles writers like me 🙂
Hi. What do you mean by “And don’t think about it.”? Does that mean that I should stop caring and forget about that person completely? What if that person crosses my mind every now and then unintentionally even after I ended the relationship, does that mean that my focus is still on that person and not on the Lord?
How to let go and surrender without thinking about it? Like my ex-boyfriend dumped me and there’s nothing I can do to fight and win him back, all I can do is pray to God and hope He will give him back to me. But i can’t stop thinking about him, i can’t stop thinking about our broken relationship. I want to surrender but it’s hard not to think about it when it’s always on your mind all the time. Some say you have to love God first before your man, but how to love God first when you love your man too much even after he broke your heart? After i read this article, i feel It’s like every prayer that I sent to God is wrong because i keep praying to bring my ex boyfriend back
I went through something similar a couple years ago. And God showed me great things during that trial. The only thing that got me through it was pressing into God, reading His word and getting on my knees and surrendering it all to Him. The Holy Spirit showed me that I was praying with the wrong motives. I was putting my boyfriend in the place that He wanted to be which is first. These 2 verses spoke to my heart.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
James 4:3
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Dan Mohler has a good teaching in this:
https://youtu.be/_6LDGG48DyU
I’m currently going through separation in my marriage. My husband is on drugs and a heavy drunk. We have a son together and I’m 6months pregnant with our second boy. I keep asking God why things had to be like this ? Why my husband had to spiral out of control and break our family. But then I remembered God asking me to let him go and surrender him to God years before we were even married. I didn’t listen Because I thought he was everything I wanted and needed in a man. Turns out 4 years down the line I don’t even know this man at all. It hurts and it been so hard. I’ve been looking for answers for the last 6 months we’ve been separated and right now reading this article has truly placed me in the deepest understanding and peaceful set of mind. I finally see where I have been going wrong. Thank you so much for sharing this. You don’t even know it but you changed my life. God is my everything and I want to surrender all I have and all that I am to him. Now I understand how. God bless you.
❤ ~Redeemed soul
I just stumbled upon this article. Recently I went to a bible study about surrendering things to God. I’m currently in a dating situation and i felt things were going great until a few weeks ago. I felt for awhile she was meant for me and the thought of having another great situation slip past me has nearly consumed my fail thoughts. It’s like I know I have to completely give this over to God and not think about it and each time when i feel like I’m over the hump I “relapse”. This post is great and I need your prayers.
Reading the post and going through the comments have greatly blessed my life.
God bless everyone of you for sharing your experiences, for those struggling to surrender, may the Holy Spirit help us all in Jesus name…Amen
Hi… Sean.
Dear ive surrendered my relationship to God and Jesua so that He can take control of it and remove all the negativity from it. But honestly it’s my loves birthday this month and I don’t know if I should wish him or just pray for him coz it’s said wen you surrender trust God and love your man that’s what you should do. So can you please guide me.
Hi Vanessa,
Thank you for your honesty and openness. Before I can answer that, I need to ask so I have more context to answer – are you still in a relationship or have you called it off when you surrendered it to the Lord?