Being a husband is arguably one of the hardest things a man has to go through nowadays. With so many husbands today not having a godly father figure or not having a father figure at all. How do you emulate godliness in your role as a husband to your wife?
“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, ‘I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD.'” – Genesis 4:1 (ESV)
Husbands, we all know that the human being we will get to know 100% in this world is our wife. If this is not the case, then you are doing something wrong.
So if we know our wives fully and completely, then why is it that we often feel we are so distant from her? That our marriage is ridden with conflict, arguments and disagreements?
Zero Proximity
When we put something in between us and our wife in our marriage – may it be as adulterous as another woman or as subtle as Netflix, TV or computer games, we are losing what I call ‘Zero Proximity’.
When you are in zero proximity with each other, that is the best time in your marriage. It is when your wife feels loved and you feel respected. It is when your marriage feels like what it’s supposed to be. It is where magic happens.
God made marriage to be like that – zero proximity.
However the world peppers our time and minds with so many things that we can put in between – making our proximity 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…. Until we feel so far away from each other.
So how do we keep the proximity on zero?
Love LEAKS
I heard BIll Hybels say before “Vision Leaks!”
When you don’t keep pouring out the vision to your team, you will lose your way because you lost your ability to see.
Our love for our spouse is the same way – it LEAKS!
AS bad as this sounds, it’s quite true. My wife keeps telling me that she wants to feel me courting her again – just like when we were dating.
At first this was mind-boggling to me.
But as I tread on this journey of marriage, it is becoming clearer that I have simply not been intentional in my love for my wife.
I have gone off from zero proximity.
What I need to do to go back again is be INTENTIONAL – pouring in time, effort, words, sincerity and godliness back in our relationship.
At the same time, this DEMANDS saying NO to things that would try to increase that proximity to 1.
Yes – just 1.
Because proximity doesn’t go off from zero to 5. It goes off by 1’s.
So before it starts, deny yourself that privilege.
Marriage is not a privilege, it is a ‘giving up of the self’.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25
This is THE TEMPTATION for us husbands. It is not so much as another woman who is more beautiful or sexy. It is PUTTING OURSELVES FIRST over our wife.
This is why so many husbands struggle with pornography.
This is why so many husbands struggle with alcohol.
This is why so many husbands struggle with video games.
And the list goes on.
The first human relationship that God has established is between husband and wife. That is how important marriage is to the world.
Keep your proximity at zero. Be intentional about saying ‘no’ to increments and saying ‘yes’ to refilling your relationship with your wife.
That is how you become a godly husband.