As I continue reading Dr. Steve Stephens book entitled, ‘Lost in Translation’, it inspired me to write blogs about how men and women think. For this article, I’ll talk about nagging in particular.
Experience also allows us to continuously learn that conflicts arise from misunderstandings and misunderstandings arise due to differing backgrounds, conflict and languages. This book interestingly brings to light these differences.
Disclaimer: I understand that as unique individuals, we have our own responses. This article merely speaks about the general reality of disparity among sexes. It does not aim to point out that all men react one way or all women respond as another.
More than once I heard male office mates share, “You know, I might as well do what she thinks I’m doing. After all, she already thinks of me this way. I’m sick of her constant babbling! Then, she’d really have a reason to nag me about it!”
It’s sad to think that husbands and wives create larger gaps between them because their intentions get lost in translation.
Dr. Steven addresses this in his 2 probable reasons as to why women repeat themselves more than necessary:
- When your partner talks, do you make it a point that you look at him or her in the eye? Do you address the concern seriously? Or do you just shrug it off and tell him or her to cut it out?
- Did you do anything or try to improve on what your partner asks of you? If so, did you try harder? Have you both discussed on what could be a good compromise so as to settle the issue? If not, why don’t you start?
In my opinion, all of us have both played the roles of being misunderstood and not understanding someone at some point in our lives. The question really, is have we gone the extra mile of trying hard to understand? Or did you just say, “Forget it, it’s hopeless!”? I may be idealistic when I say, faith and hope equals possibilities.
In addition, Dr. Stevens also proposed tips on what NOT to do when women present their concerns:
1. Don’t demand
- Men are designed to lead. As stated in Ephesians 5: 23, ” For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” In the previous verse it writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.” Women, painstakingly I say, this is a command. Men universally abhor the feeling of being disrespected. When they are, they find a way to stay on top; if not, they retaliate by being quiet. Either way, women won’t get what they want.
- Watch your tone of voice. This is important because surely, your partner could tell your emotions by the tone of your voice. As Proverbs 1: 15 says, “A gentle response turns away wrath”.
2. Don’t expect too much. If things do not go the way you want it, let it be.
- Be humble. You are not perfect as well. There are also qualities, attitudes you possess that others may also not appreciate including your partner. This is also a humbling reminder to look at our weaknesses too before complaining about others’. In Matthew 7: 3, Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
- Be patient. Life goes on despite your partner’s flaws.
So you either make your life miserable by focusing on what he could not do or you could create a positive environment and be patient. Pray. Trust that God hears your heart’s desires. And that He knows best. He will give it to you in His time, if it is good for you. Meanwhile, He wants you to learn to patience.