So, the question is, how to know if you really love someone. We all have different answers. Some people would say “Because I feel it”, some would say “Because I can’t see myself without him/her”, still some would say “Because I just know it”. Different people with different definitions of love. So how do you really know if you love someone?
Three BIG misconceptions about love
Love is not just an emotion
I’ve said this a lot of times before and I’ll say it again: Real love is not an emotion. Yes, emotion is a part of love, in fact it is a bonus to it, but love itself is not just emotion. In fact, love is more of an action, a decision, a commitment in life. Love is more than feelings. Love is consistent in nature and emotions are never consistent, therefore love cannot be an emotion. If you love someone based only on feelings, then that’s not real love – you just feel for that person.
Love is not just words
When you love someone, you tend to keep saying it and that’s a good thing – but you shouldn’t stop there. Yes you have to ‘say it’ but you also have to show it. Real love manifests itself in outward action. You can tell if someone really loves a person if that certain someone shows it in all his actions that he indeed loves the person. Unless he does, doubt is inevitable because words alone can never fulfill love.
Love is never about sex or physical intimacy
There is a difference between love and sex. Sex is the physical consummation of love inside the vows of marriage. It is but love in its best physical sensual form but not love itself. Do you see the difference? Sex comes after marriage inside love. Physical intimacy is not love, in fact, it can be done in the absence of love but that is sin. Love is about wanting the best for the other person in terms of God’s word, it’s never about getting sex or closing up physical proximity.
So what now?
How did God show His love for us?
The closest I can get is how a parent loves his/her children. Our parents unconditionally loves us. True, not all of us are blessed with such parents and I am deeply moved for those who are not blessed with godly parents or, to bluntly state it, have parents who do not fear the law or God or do not love their children. My heart goes out to you.
The original design of God is for parents to love their children unconditionally. Our parents are but finite beings but we can see them wanting the best for us. Yes they fall and make mistakes but they do try their best to help us in our lives no matter what. My parents helped me up every time I fall down. Yes I did hurt them and they did hurt me, but in the end, they love me too much to let me stay where I was.
The same with God. God loves us so much but we don’t understand that – especially when God puts us in a situation where we don’t want to be in. We just don’t realize that everything we do, everything we live for is for Him – we were created for His glory and not for ourselves. We tend to love ourselves too much to try to understand God and how His love for us work. We don’t see the big picture that everything is for God – even ourselves.
God loved us even in our sinfulness. He died for us even when we were still sinners and while we were enjoying the pleasures of this world. That makes His love unconditional. We saw His love in His act of going to the cross, suffering immensely – never before has Christ’s death been paralleled in human history. And all of that was for you and me to get closer to God through the forgiveness of our sins in His blood which signifies life.
How do you know if you really love someone? Live it. Show it. Decide on it. Look at how God did it and follow His example.
I am just a finite person who cannot explain God and if God is love then I can only try so hard to explain what love is and how it goes. I cannot fully explain it in a knockdown argument but I will be able to show it through my life. I think that’s the best way of explaining love – to show it. Don’t you agree?