As leaders, we all face those moments when we need to guide someone through a difficult conversation. It could be a team member, a friend, or even a family member. The question is: how do we correct them without making them feel hurt or defensive? I’ve been there, and I’ll tell you—it’s not always easy.
Here’s the thing: giving feedback is part of leadership, but it’s also one of the hardest parts. You want to help someone grow, but you don’t want to damage the relationship in the process. So how do you balance honesty with kindness? How do you speak the truth without it feeling like a punch in the gut?
Well, I recently came across a strategy that really stood out to me—kind candor. It’s not about sugar-coating things or avoiding hard truths. It’s about being honest and compassionate at the same time. And trust me, it works.
The Secret to Kind Candor
Kind candor is all about delivering feedback in a way that fosters trust, not tension. It’s about saying what needs to be said, but doing it in a way that respects the person on the receiving end. If you can master this, you’ll find that not only will the person be more likely to listen, but they’ll be more open to making the changes you need them to make.
One approach that embodies this concept is the “sandwich method.” It’s simple but effective. First, you start with something positive. Acknowledge the things they’re doing well, and express your appreciation. This isn’t just fluff; it’s about making sure they know they are valued.
Then, you gently introduce the areas that need improvement. It’s here that you really need to focus on clarity. The feedback should be specific and actionable. Yes, it might sting a little, but because you’ve built them up first, the blow won’t hit as hard.
Finally, you end on a high note. Reinforce your belief in their ability to improve. Let them know you’re there to support them and that you believe in their potential. This is what truly helps the feedback land in a way that promotes growth.
Why This Matters
What’s really powerful about kind candor is that it nurtures the kind of relationship where growth can actually happen. When you give feedback with empathy, you’re not just pointing out mistakes—you’re showing that you care about the person’s development. This builds trust, and trust is the foundation for any successful team.
I get it, though. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to skip the kind part and just say what’s on your mind. You might be stressed or running on a tight schedule, and the thought of handling a tough conversation thoughtfully feels like too much. But here’s the thing: rushing through it might get things off your chest, but it won’t necessarily create the change you want.
If you want to see real improvement, taking the time to soften the blow makes all the difference. You’re not just giving feedback—you’re building a culture where people can learn, adapt, and become better versions of themselves.
If you’re looking for more insights on how to lead with kindness while still being clear, check out the full discussion on The Leadership Stack.
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