Lots of relationships start out well. A couple goes on a date or two, they like each other, they get engaged and eventually get married. It’s the happiest day of their lives! Six months later, they end up miserable and want to get a divorce. What happened?
We live in this world where lots of good things exist. We’re blessed with a family, a house, a car perhaps, and then some time in our lives, we’re blessed with a relationship. How do you react when that someone you hold so dear to, suddenly needs to leave? For whatever reason, your relationship has to stop. What do you do then?
Lust is such a powerful word to us men. It carries a connotation of something dirty. Something we don’t want to be attributed to. It stings whenever we hear the word. And the reason behind it is we all know that we’re guilty. We’ve been tempted, we’ve fallen and we don’t want people to know.
But this entry is not about just that. This blog post is for all the men who are in a relationship and who are planning to be in one someday. There is an existing, lurking temptation in every relationship with the opposite sex. It is strong, powerful and it will have its way if you don’t fight against it.
It didn’t start with you and me. It started way before.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’? ” – Genesis 3:1
Where was Adam when all this happened? He was right beside her.
“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” – Genesis 3:6
What’s wrong with this picture?
Adam let Eve deal with the temptation. He let Eve carry the burden. He let Eve decide. And he didn’t do anything to fight, he didn’t say anything to draw the line. He didn’t have any defense built beforehand.
Men: in your relationship, when you are tempted, carry the burden of temptation. Don’t let your girl do it. Don’t even think of asking her to be the one to push you away when you’re ‘feeling like doing it’.
Set up boundaries. Build your defenses. Prepare for the time when temptation will strike.
Preparation means denying the pleasure of watching pornography. Setting up boundaries means agreeing with your girl about the things you shouldn’t do when you’re together – things that ignite lustful thoughts. Building defenses means immersing yourself in the Word of God.
When temptation comes, be ready. Make your move. Protect your girl. Keep her from getting into the crossfire of your struggle.
God designed us to lead. He designated us to protect. Let’s do our job especially in the lives of the women we love.
Lately I’ve been going through a lot in my personal walk with the Lord as well as in my family and love life. Relationships are a part of life. And sooner or later, you will fall in love. When that happens, I just want you to remember this entry – that you need to love beyond your heart.
This entry has been inspired by the numerous conflicts I have experienced in my life, as well as my learnings and realizations from them. I wanted to share this with all of you because I believe it is important and that you need to hear this.
Being a man, God has assigned me the honor of being the leader in my relationship with my girl. He has designated me to bring her through the journey of spiritual intimacy, physical wellness, emotional wisdom, financial intelligence, and intellectual wisdom. This is not an easy task.
In fact it is a task that can only be possible through the grace of God. Without depending on God, I fell into the trap of trying to do this on my own. I tried to love and lead her with my heart. And I soon found out how disastrous it could be.
You see, the heart can hurt. And when the heart gets hurt, the usual, natural tendency is:
- Guys withdraw and wait things out until… (etc…)
- Girls say things they think will soothe their anxiety and work the conflict out
Unfortunately, I’m the kind of guy who withdraws. I realized that I am not honoring God when I do so because I am not leading her when I withdraw.
I tell God “But I might say hurtful things. Isn’t it good that I just withdraw?”, “I’m trying to protect her when I withdraw so that I won’t get angry and hurt her.”, or sometimes I even think “She only hurts me with her words. I think it’s wiser to let things cool off first.”
Now, I’m not saying that these mindsets are wrong. It depends on the situation. But in my case, I merely used them for excuses when I know I could’ve done something about it. I was not being a leader. I was merely loving her with my heart.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9
To really love is to go beyond your heart. To really love is to know that you are capable for more. To really love is to do hard things. To go the extra mile. To live the impossible. To follow Christ. To really love is to lead your heart through the hurt.
Not to let your heart lead you.
Step out of your heart – that ‘emotional comfort zone‘. It’s a choice when you withdraw as a man because you’re hurt. Wisdom and understanding will tell you why the other person said what they said or did what they did. Knowing this, you will realize that it’s not about you – you don’t need to hurt. You just have to help him/her.
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11
Don’t let the offense of any another person hurt you. Instead, validate any truths in it and absorb only what will make you grow and what will help the other person. Filter all offenses from your thoughts. Do not let the unnecessary things get into your heart.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” – Proverbs 4:23
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” – 2 Corinthians 10:5
Protect your heart from your thoughts. Lead your heart through wisdom. Don’t let it dictate your actions. Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a conscious effort to do what is best for the other person in spite of the difficulty and hurts that you feel.
The problem is, the heart can hurt. Love beyond your heart.
Note from the author: This entry was inspired by my Love who said he wanted to stretch my limits. I praise God for him each and every time I think of him, everyday. He inspires me.
Have you ever wondered why God created Adam before Eve? Let me speak first with the ladies. In some cases that we get to have men open our door, hear them say, “Ladies first” or “After you”… soon thereafter a smile marks our faces, and we’ll be happy to have met one of the few gentlemen left in the planet. But when our God created the universe, the human race, He first made Adam. As I pondered and talked with God, here are some of the reasons:
Men Are Designed To Lead.
Kindly note, designed, it’s not a matter of want. Guys, you’re made for leadership. God wanted you first to know the ins and outs, the structural framework and then you delegate. He knows that you hunger for the adventure, to seek the unknown for yourself and by yourself. And guess what, He specifically designed you to enjoy it.
Yes, two minds indeed are better than one. However, order first has to be established and our systematic God placed men in that authority. And as we all know, leadership comes with great responsibility.
Men Have Priorities.
If you will read in Genesis 1 verse 20-24, God created great creatures of the sea, every winged bird according to its kind, living creatures on the land, wild animals according to its kind and creatures that move along the ground. In v22, it writes God blessed them and said, “Be faithful and increase in number.” But again, for the human race, only a man was created.
In v26, God said, “Let us make man in our image in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
From here, we can say that God created man first for Himself; to do His work and mission for Him. He ought to be fully developed, molded into His likeness in strength and in character. And then after this, God creates his Eve – or should I say, He lets Adam meet his Eve.
And so what are we ladies ought to do? You guessed it right! We are to wait. But not just that, we are to be developed as well. In Proverbs 31 verse 11, it writes, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Statistics now says that for every man, there are 7 women! So we better make sure that we’re the better choice compared to the other 6, don’t you think?
There was an enormous task to be done. God had entrusted Adam with His creation. And He placed Eve alongside him to encourage, support and help him carry his tasks. God didn’t particularly specify that Eve should rule over the animals with Adam but He wanted her to be beside Adam. Some of you might think this to be unfair but basing it in Scripture, God placed Adam in-charge and so Eve’s focal was to be there for Adam… to serve him… to accompany him.
We are to trust our God and remember Him to be our Creator and Author of our love stories. He knows even the numbers of hair in our head. He knows the utmost desires of our hearts. Therefore, wouldn’t He know what is best for you? Definitely! But in our waiting, in Him alone, can we find the Perfect Gentleman.
‘You can’t hurry love.’
Men, Adam never asked God he needed a mate. He didn’t question his Master how come all the creatures he ruled over had a partner yet he didn’t. God just knows. In His wisdom, riches and grace, He provided him with his Eve out of his own ribs. And so men, I urge you to work and be developed for the advancement of His Kingdom. And women, wait patiently and expectantly for your Adam. Keep yourselves pure and be steadfast for your man.
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. –Matthew 6: 33.
I’ve been talking about love and how to love a person of the opposite sex with my previous posts. I hope to elaborate more on why it’s dangerous to love someone too much in this entry. Does it really happen? What are the consequences of loving someone too much?
Been through a lot lately. I haven’t been posting all that frequent as you might have noticed. Been busy with fixing stuff for work like my NBI clearance, TIN, SSS, etc. It’s amazing how many things you need to do to get employed. This post is inspired by my relationship with a very special someone with whom I have learned with and gained wisdom with.
It all starts when you lose focus
As you all know I’ve been pursuing someone. Now, even if I blog about love and emotions, it doesn’t mean I’m exempt from committing the same mistakes that I talk about avoiding. In fact, I know that I am very prone to those same mistakes even if I haven’t really been into a serious relationship with the opposite sex before. And within this time of my pursuit of this certain lady’s heart, I know that I’ve committed this mistake – I lost my focus.
My eyes turned from God to her and somehow I knew, I won’t get away with it. God wanted my attention back. I felt the difference – I wasn’t able to blog much because ‘it’ was not there. I did not crave for wisdom as much as I did before. I did not have that certain intensity in prayer as before. I lost my focus on Him and focused too much on my pursuit and love for this lady.
It gets dangerous
When you focus on the person and love him/her too much then you tend to push your friends, family, work, and all of the other things, aside. When you push those things, which are physical and you have physical relationship with, aside, how much more do you think will you be able to shove God away together with all of them?
Focusing on the person too much and loving him/her too much without focus on God anymore will invite the lies of the Devil in your relationship. It will invite worry, possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy, and will ultimately make your relationship a hindrance to God. Why? Because you’ve lost focus on the One who is in control of your life – therefore you’ve lost your trust that He allows all things to happen in a relationship.
The tendency is, you will want to be in control when you put God out of the picture or when you shove Him aside. And being in-control makes you vulnerable to all the things I’ve mentioned earlier (worry, insecurity, jealousy, etc.)
It’s like a picture
When you’re too near a picture and you’re too focused, you don’t see the beauty of it. In fact, it becomes blurry when your eyes get too near. It’s the same with a relationship. You can’t get too focused and too near with your man/woman because it doesn’t let you see the beauty of it – it only makes things blurry because you can’t see God anymore.
How do we deal with it?
Just like getting too near a picture makes your vision blurry, you have to step back to see the beauty of it again. Step back in your relationship. Step back in your focus and love for your man/woman and ask God to take control again. Find Him again because you’ve lost sight of Him. Loosen your relationship to make room for God. It’s all about glorifying Him through your relationship – and if He’s out of the picture, how will that happen? God wants in, and unless He’s in, the picture will never turn into a masterpiece.
Love is in the air! There are so many people celebrating valentines day. So many lovers out there who rejoice with this day’s celebration. So here’s a post to help you guys out on how to be the best valentine.
Valentines day has passed me by without posting an entry for it. Sorry about that, I had to settle some things. I’ve been really busy – so many things to do and take care of. But no matter, here’s my entry for this season’s day for hearts and lovers.
The day for hearts starts with the mind. Knowing yourself is knowing how to be in control of three things:
1. Know about your heart – Your emotions.
Emotion is a very powerful thing designed by God to be in us for us to do things with passion and with fullness of heart. King David was a very emotional man. And in fact, he is said to be a man after God’s own heart. His emotions can be powerfully seen in his poems and songs written in the book of psalms. But what else did he have aside from powerful emotions?
He had control over it. David was mindful over his emotions. He was wise over his feelings. In the end, it’s not how emotional you are as a person or as a lover – it’s how mindful you are over your emotions that matters. David knew when to be emotional and he knew how to direct it and use it for the glory of God.
2. Know about your thoughts – Your mindset. Everything starts in the mind. Your thoughts will be the starter of every decision you make. You have to know what your thoughts are composed of. Are you looking into a long-term relationship? In short, are you considering marriage? What is your goal? What is your vision?
You have to know it. Without having a vision or goal set in your thoughts, you are prone to compromise and could, in the end, lead to decisions you might regret.
3. Know about your will – Your decision.
You have to know about what you’ve decided on. You have to know your decision. Is he/she the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? It’s not about emotions or feelings. It’s about your decision and choice.
Know what real love is
Love, love love. It is arguably the most abused word with the most definitions available to mankind. The meaning changes and varies as time passes by and as generations come and go. In our generation it is apparently likened to a feeling or to sex. We have so many definitions for love in this world that we are often left confused. What’s the real, unchanging definition for love anyway?
There is a perfect embodiment of love that has never changed through history – and it is found in the person of God. God is love. In order to know what real love is, you have to know God. How do you get to know Him? Read the Bible. Know the Person who is personified as love to know real love.
In the end, it’s not about the chocolates and flowers. Being the best valentine is being the best of yourself for you to best love your valentine. Know about love – what it really is in order for you to know how to really love.
We all have emotions. We feel happy or sad, joyful or mad, it makes us laugh or cry or smile. Emotions move us and make us feel. It is something that’s innate and intentionally designed for us. Emotions are very powerful and we have to be mindful of it. Why? Because our emotions are very powerful decision-influencers.
Emotions are a double-edged sword
Ever fell in love? Then you know just how pleasurable emotions can be. It takes you to cloud 9 and on some occasions, it let’s you stay there for a while. Ever got hurt? Then you know just how devastating your emotions can be. It can take you down deep and have you hit rock bottom. And on some occasions, it let’s you stay there for as long as you’d want to keep it. Our emotions are a double-edged sword. And double-edged swords take a lot of extra care to wield.
People are capable of making rash decisions. We are faced with choices here and there. Decisions left and right. Life is full of them. Oftentimes we are left to our judgment to make the right choice. When crunch time comes and you’re faced with a big one, you often think about it harder and re-evaluate your emotions because you know that it’s going to change the course of your life. But how about the little ones? The small decisions you face everyday?
Oftentimes we take those little decisions for granted and we usually let our emotions handle it. We think that those little choices don’t matter when in fact they do. If we are not faithful with the little things, how can we be faithful with the big ones that come our way? We cannot leave the small decisions we make to emotion. Everything has to be considered and well-thought of with your sound judgment. Sometimes little decisions for us mean a lot to some people. We have to re-evaluate ourselves in making the right choice.
Think about it
Emotions can cloud our judgment. When we’re angry, we usually deny. When we’re feeling happy we usually allow or indulge. I tell you the truth, if you let yourself be that way, there will come a time when you will regret certain decisions you’ve made in life with a whim of your emotions. Surrender your emotions to God, pray for wisdom and always come to the realization that every choice you make matters.
So, the question is, how to know if you really love someone. We all have different answers. Some people would say “Because I feel it”, some would say “Because I can’t see myself without him/her”, still some would say “Because I just know it”. Different people with different definitions of love. So how do you really know if you love someone?
Love is not just an emotion
I’ve said this a lot of times before and I’ll say it again: Real love is not an emotion. Yes, emotion is a part of love, in fact it is a bonus to it, but love itself is not just emotion. In fact, love is more of an action, a decision, a commitment in life. Love is more than feelings. Love is consistent in nature and emotions are never consistent, therefore love cannot be an emotion. If you love someone based only on feelings, then that’s not real love – you just feel for that person.
Love is not just words
When you love someone, you tend to keep saying it and that’s a good thing – but you shouldn’t stop there. Yes you have to ‘say it’ but you also have to show it. Real love manifests itself in outward action. You can tell if someone really loves a person if that certain someone shows it in all his actions that he indeed loves the person. Unless he does, doubt is inevitable because words alone can never fulfill love.
Love is never about sex or physical intimacy
There is a difference between love and sex. Sex is the physical consummation of love inside the vows of marriage. It is but love in its best physical sensual form but not love itself. Do you see the difference? Sex comes after marriage inside love. Physical intimacy is not love, in fact, it can be done in the absence of love but that is sin. Love is about wanting the best for the other person in terms of God’s word, it’s never about getting sex or closing up physical proximity.
So what now?
How did God show His love for us?
The closest I can get is how a parent loves his/her children. Our parents unconditionally loves us. True, not all of us are blessed with such parents and I am deeply moved for those who are not blessed with godly parents or, to bluntly state it, have parents who do not fear the law or God or do not love their children. My heart goes out to you.
The original design of God is for parents to love their children unconditionally. Our parents are but finite beings but we can see them wanting the best for us. Yes they fall and make mistakes but they do try their best to help us in our lives no matter what. My parents helped me up every time I fall down. Yes I did hurt them and they did hurt me, but in the end, they love me too much to let me stay where I was.
The same with God. God loves us so much but we don’t understand that – especially when God puts us in a situation where we don’t want to be in. We just don’t realize that everything we do, everything we live for is for Him – we were created for His glory and not for ourselves. We tend to love ourselves too much to try to understand God and how His love for us work. We don’t see the big picture that everything is for God – even ourselves.
God loved us even in our sinfulness. He died for us even when we were still sinners and while we were enjoying the pleasures of this world. That makes His love unconditional. We saw His love in His act of going to the cross, suffering immensely – never before has Christ’s death been paralleled in human history. And all of that was for you and me to get closer to God through the forgiveness of our sins in His blood which signifies life.
How do you know if you really love someone? Live it. Show it. Decide on it. Look at how God did it and follow His example.
I am just a finite person who cannot explain God and if God is love then I can only try so hard to explain what love is and how it goes. I cannot fully explain it in a knockdown argument but I will be able to show it through my life. I think that’s the best way of explaining love – to show it. Don’t you agree?
By: Sean Si
Before I start, I just want to say that I’m not a very good critic because I can’t seem to separate my Christianity from my being a movie watcher and movie reviewer.
It was a Monday night when we watched New Moon, since all cinemas made it real hard for us to watch it in the weekend because all of them were fully boooked. I was ‘reserved’ by my friend to watch this, surprisingly since January. And so I went and gave in to her request… Hayyy…. It seemed to me like it was a good movie since tickets were sold out everywhere.
I haven’t read the book, and I do not plan to. So we made ourselves comfortable, they bought some popcorn and chips and I quietly waited for the movie to start.
You have to understand, my stand in ‘love’ is not how this world sees it. The movie started out with a very wrong sense of love and ended with such as well. All in all, I can say I did not enjoy it because it was not the right movie for my spirit. You can hate me for it, saying it’s unfair or it’s just ‘Fiction’ but I say ‘Fiction’ is a very dangerous word we have used to brand lies that are believable and seemingly logical even to the emotions of our soul.
The acting was okay, the cinematography was nice, the sounds… well…. They’re good enough, especially the music they played when Bella was in the room and the camera was twirling around showing that the months were passing her by. The story… Well it just went by the book, so I’d say it appeals to the readers. It might be a good movie for most, but for me, it’s not. Why?
Because ‘love’ is something our generation has been struggling with dangerously. It has been twisted and bent to something so evil, almost demonic in essence, that when we top it off with a movie that has a message such as this, it is already more than poison to the minds of the youth.
My generation is devastated with love. It is unknowingly struggling violently to know the meaning of real love. LOVE IS MY GENERATION’S GREAT WAR, it is my generation’s GREAT DEPRESSION. I do not exaggerate when I say this. This movie and story is such a big deception branded under the safety of the word ‘fiction’ that I was so distrubed when I was watching it.
I made a decision to change the world. Someday, I’ll get the chance to share God’s message to the world about real ‘love’. Someday I’ll get to share God’s message to the world that ‘Fiction’ is a dangerous thing to hide under. Someday, I’ll show the world that apart from Jesus, there is no hope, there can be no real ‘love’.