I recently got married to a wonderful man.
Ever since, many of our friends have been asking us how married life is and how we are. And with God’s prompting, I decided to write this post to encourage and hopefully bless other women of what married life has been for me.
It all starts in the wedding. Most girls I know have their own version of a fairy tale wedding. Be it the color motif, theme, songs, entourage and the works on their most special day. Every girl wants and expects this day to be perfect. In fact, a lot of couples spend so much to make sure this happens. As a result: a day filled with expectations, hope and love. Nothing wrong with this. After all, as they say, you only get married once. Better make the most out of it.
As for me, I didn’t dream of my wedding. I didn’t even know there was supposed to be a color motif or theme in a wedding. I was clueless! When my friends asked me who my bridesmaids were going to be, I showed them a list of 15 girls. My closest friends had to help me narrow the list down. I didn’t hunt for a lot of suppliers. I just prayed for the ones God would bring our way. And thankfully, we didn’t have a hard time.
I also had my version of a dream wedding. We had the blessing of our families, the venue was beautifully decorated and our wedding suppliers did a splendid job. More importantly, the place was filled with relatives, friends and loved ones. And to top everything off, being taken and made as one to the man I love as I reached the end of the aisle with my parents.
After one perfect day when all if not most, expectations were met, this mentality (of beauty and perfection) tends to spill over to reality. We expect happiness, meals together, cooperation in house chores and sleeping at the same time.
Well, that was for me.
Sean and I are blessed to live in a small townhouse on our own. Both of us came from our parental homes with house help before getting married. And despite the seminars and other warnings, these were some of the things I thought I could expect of my ‘God’s best’ husband.
And when they didn’t turn out to be how I expected of it, I felt hurt, disappointed and at some point, mad.
This isn’t a new thing for all of us. We know that we need to talk with each other in order to resolve things. But are we talking the right way? Are we using the love language of our partner?
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4: 29
I learned that my husband is not used to being asked to do multiple things around the house when he’s at his work station at home. I also learned that when he does something for me during this time, his focus is blocked and it takes time to get his momentum back.
And this, does not make him very happy.
Another is that, my husband likes D-I-Y work scheduled in HIS timetable not mine.
I only understood and accepted these differences between me and my husband after I prayed and talked with God about Sean. I only heard about these things when I listened to him without interruptions, without comments.
And I know I could only expect less and appreciate more of Sean whenever I pray for him and lift him to God everyday.
So… Married life for me has been awesome. It has challenges as early as DAY 1.
But with Jesus at the center of our lives and marriage, I am sure to have a wonderful adventure we will both enjoy for the rest of our lives.