Let’s face it, you’re reading this because you have not yet been able to close “that part” of your life.
And that’s fine.
Lots of guys in society at large find themselves right where you are. Clueless on how to find “the right one” and close the relationship with a heartfelt “I do“.
This post is wrong from the time I wrote the first word until now. Yep.
But not wrong in a bad kind of way. More of wrong in a screwed up kind of way.
And that’s mostly because of the things that we’ve been indoctrinated with – subtly but very, very surely. That billboard that shows you a “man” is supposed to have 6-pack abs?
I’ve seen guys with one “ab” and are much happier, whole, and definitely content in life.
This post is wrong because of the prejudices that are instilled in your mind. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Because you desire to attract “the right one“?
Well here’s news for you: You sir, are not meant to simply attract.
Sure a 6 pack abs can make heads turn. A pretty face helps too. But that doesn’t end there (sadly a lot of guys think it does).
You sir, are meant to pursue. To give chase.
To win your girl’s heart.
As in all purposeful pursuits and things worth winning in life, winning the right girl’s heart takes preparation. Lots and lots of it.
You don’t go out with a beer belly, unkempt hair, bad breath and pocket money from your parents and expect to go home with the right girl’s number. Those things happen only in screwed up movies.
I’ve been married for almost a year now and I could honestly say that preparation is not something you do in the courtship phase. It is something you do before.
Way, way before.
I have prepared myself for a relationship, then for marriage and now I’m preparing myself for parenting. Preparation is an active phase of life that pretty much never ends.
Remember that a champion is made not in the ring but in preparation.
How do you prepare?
1) Pray
Stopping to step back and allowing God to let you see the big picture is 100% of the deal. If God tells you that it’s not where you should be heading, stop. When I was courting Apple, I was 100% assured that she was the girl for me. I prayed for something as simple as a sign – but God took me through a painful but much needed phase of surrender and faith.
I was a changed man. And because of that, I can honestly say that I was able to lead Apple better through our courtship stage.
2) Develop yourself
If you haven’t done so, do yourself a favor and read this post. It’s not a blueprint for a sure shot in closing the deal with your “Ms right” but it sure did help me a whole lot in winning Apple’s heart and hand.
Remember that a girl’s family is a strong influence in her decisions. And closing the deal with Ms Right is a major decision. You would want to get on the good side of her family – and you’re not gonna get there when you haven’t prepared in developing yourself to be her Mr. Right.
Clubs, Bars and Parties
Ms Right is not in any of these. And yet I’ve met guys who will tell me how lucky I am that I already got to find the right girl for me. After looking at their lives and the places they’re spending time on in trying to find their Ms Right, it was a no-brainer.
They were looking for Ms Right in all the wrong places. Before you go out looking for your partner in life, you pretty much have a raw idea of how she lives her life, spends her time, acts, dresses, and socializes – among other things.
Unless you’re looking for a short-term fling with a girl who loves to party all night, don’t go looking for Ms Right in the wrong places. You’ll never find her there.
Mirror Mirror
When I met Apple I was initially attracted to her because of her charm. She has a wonderful smile and a voice that just captivated me. After spending time with her and her family, I discovered that we had so much in common – and that’s something I realize I want in marriage.
The more similarities you have with your wife, the better. I know they say opposites attract and all, but let me give you some words of advise: your differences will surface the more familiar you become with each other. And when it does surface, you’ll find that it is the source of around 99% of your conflicts.
So living a lifetime with an “opposite” partner means that chances are, you’ll have 100% more conflicts than if you’re living with a girl who shares a lot of similarities with you.
Apple and I have tons and tons of similarities – we both love to sing, write, eat, sleep, think, do business, etc. Even our families have a lot in common. But somewhere in our marriage, we were noticing our differences more and more. And that’s because we take our similarities for granted because of familiarity.
Naturally, I was attracted to Apple and she was attracted to me because we have similar values. We’re quite conservative in the way we dress, we’re simple in the things we buy, we are not at all fond of going to bars and parties, and the list goes on.
Remember: You are who you want to attract.
If you want a girl who loves books, you should learn to love books. If you want a girl who loves to sing (and is good at it), trust me, you’ll have lots of points if you yourself are a good singer.
The Chase
Once you get these things in line, buckle up, gather your guts and tell her your intentions. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t leverage on your friendship, and don’t be passive. It’s simple, really.
I told Apple that I was interested in courting her over dinner – just 3 months after meeting her. If you didn’t know, I got miserably rejected a few months after that.
And that’s alright. Looking back, it’s something that I’m glad I experienced. I took a risk and I paid the price – sort of a tuition fee.
After a time of prayer, preparation and learning, I rolled the dice again. This time, I won her heart.
It wasn’t really a matter of attracting the right girl. Rather, it was a matter of manning up, taking the risk and giving chase.
Winning a woman’s heart is one of the toughest, most exciting and life-changing things in life that should drive you to become a better person.
“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.” – Proverbs 30:18-19
Here’s something for you to think about: Apple wasn’t really at all attracted to me before I got rejected.
It was after all the prayer and preparation that she actually was.
